Inspired Renegade Blog

I know we are very prone to constantly scrutinize ourselves for “bad” or “negative” traits in our behavior, we were heavily conditioned to do that. But, I want to bring it outside of the spiritual arena for a moment and just normalize our need for controlling things and situations.

At a very physiological level, these mechanisms ensured our safe keeping and survival, and that is NOT negative at all. We are naturally “wired” to function this way. If we lacked the ability to control or bring balance to chaotic situations we would not have survived this long.

Now granted, our nervous system has kind of gone into excessive hyper overdrive mode, because this world is NOT a “safe” place. This is a completely NORMAL response, humanly speaking. So give yourself a little grace here.

With the gift of awakened awareness tho, we can look at this from a higher perspective and try and find ways of creating that personal “inner” SAFE space (through meditating, or just doing something with your hands that is fun) in order to bring down the hyper vigilance of the nervous system over time.

This will increase the ability to “control” our responses in a more balanced way. You see, we will always be “controlling” something, but it will now be more inward focused, rather than trying to control external situations. It is not possible to completely shut off a normal bodily function of the nervous system, and we are not meant to do that. ❤

I want to expand on the topic of trust some more this morning. I have seen a couple of memes and posts circulating about “Trust, Loyalty and Respect, Mess Up 1 and you lose all 3”.

I have previously mentioned that these are virtues used to bolster and shore up our wounded ego persona, to protect us.
I refer to them as the 3 Metals (in alchemy terminology) of the lower 3 Chakras - we can call them Brass, Steel and Titanium. Basically the stuff military (department of defense) equipment is made of.

These elements are pillars of the Root, Sacral and Solar Plexus energy centers, responsible for safety and security, and they build a pretty good and impenetrable fortress… but they also keep us confined in a very contracted, small space.

They are just below and outside of the 💚 chakra center. To reach the more expansive state (unconditional love) of the heart chakra, we have to deal with the debris (shadow, trauma, wounds) held inside the fortress of the lower 3 chakras.

There are situations in life where having the safety and security of the military bunker of strict “boundaries” is essential, to stop the constant inflow of abuse… to gain a safe space to allow the nervous system to dial down enough so we can focus on healing the long term complex traumas.

Once a person has done significant shadow work, the need and requirement for Trust, Loyalty and Respect falls away… because in the process of healing the Self, one will regain Self Trust, Loyalty to Self and Self Respect… to the point where it is no longer needed or required from others.

*I don’t NEED anything from you, for me to be OK! That’s the goal to living a peaceful and harmonious life, and ending the cycle of dysfunctional co-dependency.

Codependency is an unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship or friendship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment. An extreme need for approval and recognition. A sense of guilt when asserting themselves. A compelling need to control others.

Today, I no longer need to trade in the commodities market of Trust and Loyalty; I mostly trade in Unconditional Love (Full heart expansion).

It might shock you when I say, I do NOT trust you! I do not trust anyone, because nobody is worthy of Trust (trustworthy). As humans, we lack the perfection that prevents us from never making a mistake in a relationship.

I do NOT trust you, but I Love you! Which is an entirely different thing.

I learned this in the hard school of the Twinflame connection, when I went through a period of time where I was served betrayal and rejection for breakfast, lunch and supper.

Unlike conventional relationships, that you can distance and divorce yourself from with strict boundaries… this is impossible with a One Soul connection of a Twin Flame dynamic. You are tethered energetically to your problem. Think of the conjoined Twins Abby and Brittany Hensel.

So when I could not run away from my own shadows and hide in the bunker, the ego got stomped on for a very long time, to break it down and soften it’s firewall.

Thankfully, my Crown chakra had opened before the betrayal happened, and I had guidance from my higher Self. The two ‘factions’ embroiled within me had the softening effect and influence of my Soul Chakra. And so, I worked through it over the course of the last 4 years.

I see an example of this in Jesus’ life when he hung on the cross and offered open-hearted forgiveness to his betrayers… when he cried out - “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”… he was drawing on the influence of his Soul chakra, his higher Self… for surely his lower self would have given him the counsel of “Fuck them all” with no second chances granted.

A few months ago, I made a Musing dismantling the virtue of Loyalty. Today, I want to take a closer look at Trust.

For the last week, the subject of trust has been percolating in my personal field. It came under closer introspection, because I have fallen into the disgrace of breaching confidentiality (even tho I did so in complete anonymity of the person involved, but this is about the principle of expectations, which I failed to honor).

As I have been sitting in the searing pain of trauma for days now, feeling the sting of shame and failure…. I searched deeply for resolution.

What I have come to realize this morning is, that both Loyalty and Trust are prized virtues in the world of Ego, or what we know as the human persona or play character.

It’s the character that is shrouded in shadows and secrets, and Trust only finds meaningful application in a reality of shadows and secrets.

So, I am asking myself today… how deeply involved do I want to be with that world? Do I really want to forge connections with people who nurture their shadows and secrets and expect me to play the role of protecting those secrets? No, I do not. I do not want to be involved in such connections.

As I am writing these words, an old Bible verse comes to mind, for which I now see a much clearer understanding in light of this contrasting situation.

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2.Cor 6:14

Take out the word ‘unbelievers’ and exchange it with ‘3D Persona’ or Ego. What fellowship can be had with a person or persona who’s existence was forged and shaped by darkness (traumas, shadows, secrets, drama)… such a persona will be offended continually, because their identity is directly attached to their traumas.

On the other hand, the person embracing ‘transparency’, doing the Shadow Work and illuminating their secrets with light, does not need your Trust, because there is nothing to protect. Trust holds no vital role for someone living in the light.

My only fault is that I have developed such ‘transparency’ and speak so openly about my life, that I forgot in that moment that not everyone lives that way.

I recall something being written about Jesus in the Bible, “But Jesus would not enTRUST himself to them, for he knew all people.” … and their shadows. I this verse finally makes sense.

By the way, this includes the “needs and expectations” you think God has of you. Let that shit go.

Saw this on my FB feed today and this is a comment I made about the Gospel of Grace and why it is actually a toxic concept.

God doesn’t need any more glory. How much more must He take away from man to make himself look better?

But mankind sure could use a bit of that. We suffer from the cancer of low self esteem (toxic unworthiness), and that has produced an Ego in us that misbehaves like a psychologically damaged child… and we call it “sin”.

Yes, it is “sin” to live separate and in Self denial from all that is good and worthy, not being permitted to clothe ourselves in the reputation / glory of the Divine. Grace takes that away from man, that’s right. And this is why Grace is toxic.