All About My Christian Deconstruction and Finding The Infinite Self
Sending a message through the intercom to the people at the back of the bus…
“Behold, I am with you all the days ππ»ππΆπΉ the completion of the age”. Words of Jesus from Matthew 28:20
The age of Pisces is signing off to the age of Aquarius, and so is Jesus.
Get used to it people. Jesus wasn’t meant to hold your hand perpetually.
Your last stop to unboard is coming up soon. β€
A few months ago, I made a Musing dismantling the virtue of Loyalty. Today, I want to take a closer look at Trust.
For the last week, the subject of trust has been percolating in my personal field. It came under closer introspection, because I have fallen into the disgrace of breaching confidentiality (even tho I did so in complete anonymity of the person involved, but this is about the principle of expectations, which I failed to honor).
As I have been sitting in the searing pain of trauma for days now, feeling the sting of shame and failure…. I searched deeply for resolution.
What I have come to realize this morning is, that both Loyalty and Trust are prized virtues in the world of Ego, or what we know as the human persona or play character.
It’s the character that is shrouded in shadows and secrets, and Trust only finds meaningful application in a reality of shadows and secrets.
So, I am asking myself today… how deeply involved do I want to be with that world? Do I really want to forge connections with people who nurture their shadows and secrets and expect me to play the role of protecting those secrets? No, I do not. I do not want to be involved in such connections.
As I am writing these words, an old Bible verse comes to mind, for which I now see a much clearer understanding in light of this contrasting situation.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2.Cor 6:14
Take out the word ‘unbelievers’ and exchange it with ‘3D Persona’ or Ego. What fellowship can be had with a person or persona who’s existence was forged and shaped by darkness (traumas, shadows, secrets, drama)… such a persona will be offended continually, because their identity is directly attached to their traumas.
On the other hand, the person embracing ‘transparency’, doing the Shadow Work and illuminating their secrets with light, does not need your Trust, because there is nothing to protect. Trust holds no vital role for someone living in the light.
My only fault is that I have developed such ‘transparency’ and speak so openly about my life, that I forgot in that moment that not everyone lives that way.
I recall something being written about Jesus in the Bible, “But Jesus would not enTRUST himself to them, for he knew all people.” … and their shadows. I this verse finally makes sense.
Saw this on my FB feed today and this is a comment I made about the Gospel of Grace and why it is actually a toxic concept.
God doesn’t need any more glory. How much more must He take away from man to make himself look better?
But mankind sure could use a bit of that. We suffer from the cancer of low self esteem (toxic unworthiness), and that has produced an Ego in us that misbehaves like a psychologically damaged child… and we call it “sin”.
Yes, it is “sin” to live separate and in Self denial from all that is good and worthy, not being permitted to clothe ourselves in the reputation / glory of the Divine. Grace takes that away from man, that’s right. And this is why Grace is toxic.
People have a real problem with blaming God for their troubles.
I am all for blaming God. And we should not feel guilty for doing so. Why? Because “He” (just using that because of the common vernacular) has the biggest shoulders, and he created this mess.
I wish to refrain from blaming human beings who have been virtually blind folded and are expected to guide themselves and others through this confusing life without running into things. π€¦
People don’t like me talking like this, because “God” or our concept of Him is the only means for self soothing that is not tainted by this world. I get it. But, maybe we need to look at the reasons for our need to spiritually ’self soothe’? Why do we need a blameless Daddy?
Maybe our problems remain, because we constantly self blame and make ourselves responsible for failing. Maybe it isn’t our fault? And we carry around this false guilt that does not belong to us. Put it on God’s shoulders, literally for that is where it belongs.
Perhaps this is the meaning the Gospel should have had. Instead of finding Himself an innocent lamb (human sacrifice), He should have been the scapegoat for what He created.
The phrase “I love you” can be extremely toxic, when used by the Ego for the purpose of manipulation and control. I remember as children we “learned” the power of this little phrase right quickly to try and manipulate our parents to get us what we want!
And there are many adults today, who use those magical 3 words (quite unconsciously) to try and manipulate another person into getting from them what they want.
“I love you” most of the time means “I need you to be a certain way for me”, and I “need you” to be a certain way so I can feel OK. That is not love, that is unhealed trauma.
In contrast, the frequency of pure love (the kind we associate with God) will make you feel SAFE and free to be you. It makes no demands of you, in fact in it’s perception you are perfect. This frequency will make you open up like a lotus flower.